In 2003, I stopped in a small town on my way to Bonnaroo and spoke life into, "This is where I want to live someday." 7 months later, on a trip to Pennsylvania, I met and began dating someone who I later realized was actually from that little Tennessee town called Hartsville and spent the next four years dreaming of moving there and vividly dreaming about working helping youth and somehow working with food. Fast forward 15 years, thank God the boyfriend is a distant memory, but I find myself living in my dream home on my dream property in Hartsville, owning a food truck and coffee business and teaching life skills to the youth here in the schools. Add in my dream of a husband and 3 babies and I am telling you, some nights I would wake up in sweat and hyperventilating waiting for something to come crashing down.
It is my go to saying, because how true it rings. I have spent the last year ranking my priorities completely backwards and putting my identity everywhere else but in Him. How could I have everything I ever dreamed of and not be spending every bit of my time praising him? In my mind my identity went as follows:
Mom
Business Owner
Coffee roaster and caterer
Wife
Teacher
Gardener
Micro Farmer
Traveler
Kayaker
and somewhere towards the bottom of that list the only thing that matters: God's child
And slowly, or not so slowly, a few weeks ago- He said enough. And I released my grasp more and more and He spoke into my heart what I was to hand over starting with my food truck. And the first step of obedience was actually easy but then came more and when I finally lost my precious dog and then felt the pull to relocate back to Lebanon, my instinct to dig in my heels came. Thoughts like, "I am not a subdivision dwelling, HOA rule following, neighborhood gal", flooded my head. "I am a farm loving, gardening, Hartsville, simple small humble home kind of lady!" And the conviction set in. And do you know what I am? I am a child of God, Amber Freeland, who loves pouring into people and loving my family despite whatever environment we are in kind of person. I begged my husband to move us into a camper for years, to live basic and travel and make every day about one thing: LOVE. And even if it doesn't look like that dream, (a two story newer home in a development is actually something I have never ever considered), God is clearing my plate and giving me days not filled with food trucking, not filled with property to take care of, animals to watch out for and business relationships to put so much time into but giving me the greatest gift of all: TIME. Free days, not dropping my 2 year old off for 8 hours with sitters so I can increase our income and rushing my kids bedtime routine so I can get out in the food truck and prep.
I have cried a lot. I have avoided going in my backyard where I usually spend my summers because it is the most sore spot for me. I put a lot of work into this yard and my beautiful garden. I made this home exactly what suited my family and spoke life into all it's rooms with art and decor that represents us well. But I have refused to let myself second guess any of it because it is not our decision to make. It is our path to follow as God leads us.
I pray my kids remember that their parents were never afraid to leap and never afraid to say yes to the unknown. I know too many people who have worked jobs they hated, lived in places they despised and never taken a risk for 20 30 40 years because they are afraid of change. I refuse to be that. I also pray my kids will look back and see that their parents valued their time together, their activities and making their home a space of welcoming for their friends so much so that they gave up their idea of paradise. And that their mom was a rip off the band-aid kind of person who knows how to not only make the best of every situation but to fall in love with every step of this journey. I guarantee a year from now I will love every part of our home and new life. It is a choice to make.
Through all of the loss I am gaining time and with time comes the opportunity to be with friends, to serve others, to get to know new people and to pour into my old faithful group of people in this life. That is a welcome to all of you to come by for the best cup of coffee you will ever have! And for after dinner walks through the neighborhood, meals at our home and a place for all those kiddos to come spend time.
When I spend time before God at this end of this life he is not going to ask me about my income, my square footage, how my garden produced, what I drove or what kind of sales my business did that year. He is not going to care if I was fashionable, trend setting, had thousands of social media followers or even how great my coffee tasted haha! He is going to ask what I did for His Kingdom and for His people. And He has basically opened the gates to let me fulfill that purpose. I stand here grateful and in awe of His goodness and His provision and His faithfulness and ready to take on this next part of my small journey here on earth.
