sick babies

I have yet to experience anything worse than having an extremely sick child and feeling completely helpless. My baby boy Ryder has had a horrid cough for six days which turned into lots of vomiting, refusing any breastmilk or pedialyte and eventual dehydration. I brought him to UMC this afternoon when his soft spot began sinking and they were so much more caring than I ever would have expected. They decided that Vanderbilt would be the best place for his care after cat scans, lung xrays, a spinal tap and more testing. My husband came and we swapped children because Cory is better at handling these situations and I am better at handling Rocklyn who is in a stage of fits and emotions like no other these days. Cory and Ryder were brought by ambulance to Vanderbilt and our friend Eddie delivered him a phone charger and some more breastmilk. Things seem to be looking up for Ryder and he should be released tommorow, thank God. I am so thankful for all of our great friends and their prayers and to God for keeping my little guy safe. I spent the night up until fifteen minutes ago with Rocklyn. He got to stay up an hour and a half late and we just snuggled, watched Veggie Tales, read books and just spent time being together. How often we take for granted these little guys and busy ourselves with housework and other unimportant things until we are slapped with a scare and realize that they are what it is all about. I love my boys so much it hurts, sometimes i have to numb myself to my love for them so my heart does not explode out of my chest into a million pieces. I have no clue how parents with fatally ill children do it. I do know that these instances in which God makes you give up control are so scary but teach us so much. No matter what I do, He knows the outcome and nothing is in my hands. I battle with this so much until a situation arises where there is no battling, just trusting in Him. That is what happened tonight and I am so grateful I will have my baby boy healthy and in my arms soon.