sick babies

I have yet to experience anything worse than having an extremely sick child and feeling completely helpless. My baby boy Ryder has had a horrid cough for six days which turned into lots of vomiting, refusing any breastmilk or pedialyte and eventual dehydration. I brought him to UMC this afternoon when his soft spot began sinking and they were so much more caring than I ever would have expected. They decided that Vanderbilt would be the best place for his care after cat scans, lung xrays, a spinal tap and more testing. My husband came and we swapped children because Cory is better at handling these situations and I am better at handling Rocklyn who is in a stage of fits and emotions like no other these days. Cory and Ryder were brought by ambulance to Vanderbilt and our friend Eddie delivered him a phone charger and some more breastmilk. Things seem to be looking up for Ryder and he should be released tommorow, thank God. I am so thankful for all of our great friends and their prayers and to God for keeping my little guy safe. I spent the night up until fifteen minutes ago with Rocklyn. He got to stay up an hour and a half late and we just snuggled, watched Veggie Tales, read books and just spent time being together. How often we take for granted these little guys and busy ourselves with housework and other unimportant things until we are slapped with a scare and realize that they are what it is all about. I love my boys so much it hurts, sometimes i have to numb myself to my love for them so my heart does not explode out of my chest into a million pieces. I have no clue how parents with fatally ill children do it. I do know that these instances in which God makes you give up control are so scary but teach us so much. No matter what I do, He knows the outcome and nothing is in my hands. I battle with this so much until a situation arises where there is no battling, just trusting in Him. That is what happened tonight and I am so grateful I will have my baby boy healthy and in my arms soon.

daybooking #1

OUTSIDE MY WINDOW: cold, dreary weather. the neighbors ten nasty cats. our baby fruit trees cory planted last year. the tennessean newspaper i have yet to get
INSIDE THAT WINDOW: my gorgeous family of four. ryder in my arms, rocklyn and papa playing. toby mac singing.
I AM THINKING: about my new herb plants and the herb chopper i need to order online. and white bean chicken chili that i making this afternoon thanks to a friends great recipe.
I AM THANKFUL FOR: a million things. i am so in love with my sons it hurts sometimes. my husband is amazing and has taken such an interest in making my dreams happen that he is even excited to start eating tofu! my friends, some old some new, that are such a blessing in my life. my parents who helped shape me into who i am. Jesus Christ and His love for us all despite what horrid sinful people we can be. oh the list could go on and on
I AM CREATING: a menu for my future cafe
I AM READING: the book of Job, Forgotten God and soon to start back on the Harry Potter series
I AM PRAYING: for so many people I know who are hurting. most prayers focus these days on my dearest friend who is having marital struggles. praying she does not lose hope and knows God will honor her resistance to divorce and her ongoing persistence to make this work
I AM HEARING: listening to some old school stuff from high school. playing some mix cd i had with alkaline trio, dashboard confessional, ben kweller and so on. oh memories
IN THE KITCHEN: the dryer is going. there are no dishes! white beans are soaking and my new lil bluebird vase i bought the other day is perched in the window looking so adorable
AROUND MY HOME: is a mess i am trying to accept will never go away until my kids go to college and then will return when they have grandkids. i pick up, rocklyn throws more on the floor. lol. at least its just toys.
I AM LEARNING: more and more about the Holy Spirit. what a difficult concept for me to understand! but so necessary to know.
A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS: family, friends, reading, tennis, zumba, cooking, baking, music, singing, driving five speed (oh how i miss it...), the colors brown and red, lilacs, my new food processor and cooking homemade foods for my son, sleep!, led zeppelin, jason aldean's voice, concerts, traveling, tennessee, summer nights, bubble baths, etc
PLANS FOR THE WEEK: the wild cow, farmers market, flying kites at the park, homework...
ON MY MIND:a little spat my husband and I had this morning. i need to be more understanding sometimes...

You're Gonna Miss This

I have a confession. I am a "clicker". By this I mean I live my life like the movie Click, ya know? The one with Adam Sandler where he rushes through things in his life with a magical remote control and before he knows it he is at the end of his life and has missed all the "good old days" with his family because he was hurrying to get to it. Get to what? Who knows! Now I know there is no such thing as a magical remote, but like the movie, I am constantly rushing time, waiting for the next thing to come, unsatisfied with the present. And then what do I do? Spend time reminiscing about the good old days that I couldn't wait to be over with! Counterproductive!!!!!! I was so excited to have a newborn around again and to cuddle and snuggle for hours and now that he is here I keep thinking..."when will he sit up alone? hold his own bottle? smile? etc..." how awful! but so true. and then when the times come I will cry and wish I hadn't rushed those previous times! I was leaving school the other night, exhausted after a day alone with the kids and then having to go take multiple tests after cory got home from work and I decided to just drive past my old dorm room and found myself missing the carefree days when it was all fun and freedom. Then I began to remember how much I could not wait to be married to Cory and have our own house and start life! And just like that God slapped me in the face and put the song "You're Gonna Miss This" on the radio. I realized just what I was doing yet again. So I have committed myself to start living in the now and not the past or future! I am going to enjoy every second of my children's growth and live in the present instead of waiting! I decided to share this because I know a lot of you can relate! Feel free to comment and let me know your experiences!

Back to Basics

I recently took a class at our church on Spiritual Disciplines covering topics such as tithing, silence and solitude and journaling. I felt so convicted about many things that were happening in my life and knew God was pushing me greatly to make some changes. There was a sign displayed at a local church that said "Which is closer? Your bible or your cell phone." Well everytime we passed it I had to take note because my blackberry had actually become a lifeline for me in some ways. When did checking facebook status updates become more important than conversation with my husband at the dinner table? Now the television was an issue as well for so many reasons. Arguments over the amount of time the television stayed on in the day had become common. I always wanted my children raised around no television except for movies with the family and maybe some sports. But it was constantly on! And I am just as guilty as anyone for being sucked into shows that did nothing but rot my brain and pervert my home. It seems you can't even turn on a family channel without seeing something sexual, vulgar and everything we as Christians need to stand against. So my husband and I discussed these topics over and over along with ways to save money and just get back to the right priorities in my life. It seems that even if my Bible was right there next to me, when I got any free time in my day, I would instead first reach right for my phone. What a disappointment I was being to myself. After much discussion my husband and I decided to take drastic steps and to get rid of internet on our phones, lower the minutes on our plan, he change phone carrier providers altogether because we felt the company we were with was takign advantage of us every time we turned our heads and to rid our home of cable altogether. We also decided to sell the television we had in the bedroom. Yes, cancellation fees were a pain but in the end the amount we are going to be saving a month cancels out those fees plus a lot more. We are now saving almost two hundred dollars a month!!!! And that is the least of the positives that has come from this. Communication has been flowing in this house like never before, especially from our babbling son who is so much more eager to talk and talk now that the noise is gone! My husband and I have committed ourselves to a bible study between the two of us at least two nights a week. During this time we are either reading books of the Bible, listening to pastors on the radio or cds we have or doing other acts involving learning as much as we can in our walk with Christ and the best part has been the discussions afterward where we relate, debate, and go over all we learned. It turns out this hour we were setting aside for the night for this has easily turned into much more than that. Time flies by and its so great. I don't know if this is true for others but television had become such a protective blocker for me. If I was upset or avoiding thinking deeply about things I could just turn on the television and block it. Needless to say, it was quite a shock when this wasn't an option and now my mind is filled and it has been scary and great. I have had so many ideas, gotten so much more done around the house and the confidence levels that come with no tv are great. It seems watching these shallow shows featuring lifestyles to envy really takes a toll on how you feel about yourself. I have to say this is one of the best decisions we have made as a family and its only been weeks yet missing these technology pieces in our lives is already over with. So many people have asked me why I am selling the tv and questions about this and I just wanted to let everyone know! I urge you to even do away with one thing in your life hindering you relationship with Christ, with others and with yourself and see the amazing things that start to unfold! You will not regret it!

So thankful

My mind is racing and I am so emotional just thinking about the many things I have been blessed with. I am very aware most of the time that I am so very blessed but now that I am taking a step back and really examining just everything God has filled my life with, I realize that gratefulness is not enough and that there is no way I can thank God enough for this beautiful life. Since this time last year, so many things have changed and I have grown so much personally.

My top ten reasons to be thankful are:

1. Jesus Christ. My relationship with God has been so strengthened over the past year and my understanding, love and faith have come so far. My family has been so blessed to have found a church that we feel so welcome at and that is challenging us all the time to not be stagnant in our faith but to always improve and strengthen. We were feeling so frustrated and lost at other churches that we attended and on July 3 we happened to see The Journey's band playing and attended the next service and found our church home!

2. My husband, who is the most loving and honest man I have ever met. He works so hard and does all he can to make sure that I can stay home with our children and provide them with everything they need. He is the most trustworthy, hardworking and caring person I have ever met and I am so grateful that my sons will grow up modeling themselves after him.

3. Rocklyn, my son, who has been a miracle in every way. I never knew a love like this existed and he has brought more meaning to every moment of my life than I ever thought possible. He is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on and he amazes me every day.

4. Ryder, our son who is due in January. This pregnancy has been difficult being so close to my last pregnancy in time, but I am so excited to continue growing our family.

5. Graduate school, MAE program at Cumberland. I feel so truly blessed to be able to continue working on my education and preparing to teach in a couple years at this time. I am also so glad for my husband's ability to be working on his graduate degree as well.

6. Friends. You do really learn as you grow older that quanitity of friends means nothing and quality is everything. I have had to weed some people out of my life but the friends that remain I have found are those that truly care about me and my life as much as I do theirs. Our circle of friends has continued to grow with genuine, great people and I am so excited to watch these friendships grow.

7. Family. They say relationships grow and change once you have your own children and I have never been happier with my relationship with my mother as I have been since becoming a mom myself.

8. Knowledge. Our family has been so dedicated to please Christ and make great decisions in everything and it has strengthened us all and we have learned so much. From budgeting, to our health, to keeping a home, raising children, spending our time wisely and all other areas of life we have improved greatly and I am so grateful for this.

9. Love. I realize more and more that in a world that can seem to full of hatred and satan, love really is dwelling all around if you focus on it. Serving others is so very vital to an enriched life and I am so grateful to have had the opportunities to serve that I have and cannot wait to continue with this.

10. Everyday miracles. From waking up in the morning to a shining sun to being able to watch my belly grow with my son inside it to things as simple as having clean water to drink, these simple miracles that we make take for granted should not be passed by and I am so thankful for everything. I do not and probably never will know what its like to lay my head down at night without a roof and security over me and for this I am so grateful and hope to decrease just how many people this is a reality for.

I pray that each of you reading this can find many things in your life to be thankful for and to realize that none of it is your doing, it is all because of God. Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

something sweet

Good afternoon! I am not feeling like myself today, just a little bit of negativity easing in, so I need to post something sweet to make me smile! Let me take a break from all that is healthy and post this recipe for spiced pumpkin cheesecake! Mmmmmmmm 'tis the season lol. I am thinking of making this for my husband's potluck at work next week so that I don't have the opportunity to eat any! Because I fear if I do, I will never stop!

38 Nabisco ginger snaps, finely crushed
1/4 cup finely chopped pecans
1/4 cup butter, melted
4 packages (8 oz each) of Philadelphia cream cheese, softened
1 cup sugar
1 can (15 oz) pumpkin
1 tbsp pumpkin pie spice
1 tsp canilla
4 eggs
1 cup thawed cool whip whipped topping
1/2 tsp ground nutmeg
Heat oven to 325 degreesF mis crumbs nut and butter: press onto bottom and 1 inch up side of 9 inch springform pan. Beat cream cheese and sugar with mixer until blended. Add pumpkin, spice and vanilla and mix well. add eggs, 1 at a time, mixing after each just until blended. put into crust. bake 1 hour 20 minutes to 1 hr 30 mins or until center is almost set. loosen cake from rim of pan, cool before removing rim. refridgerate 4 hours. serve with a dollop of cool whip and a dusting of nutmeg.
prep time 15 mins
makes 16 servings
ENJOY!
And to add in some more sweet pictures just to bring more happiness to all of our days...

homegrown

I have been attending a spiritual discipline class at our church, The Journey Church of Lebanon, and it has really impacted me in many ways. Last Thursday, we discussed the topics of serving, time and money. I have made a commitment to my family to save as much money as I can through couponing, meal planning and homemaking our son's food and to better the health of all of us. In a society of fast and processed food, obesity and laziness, I have made a commitment to my family to go in the opposite direction. I have struggled with my weight all of my adult life and I never ever want to see my children go through this struggle as well. Eating out of boredom, eating just based on taste and not for health and energy, eating to mask emotions; these have become such a part of the lives of many Americans and it will not be a part of my family. It is not only life threatening but it is sinful and God has provided us with these bodies and entrusted us to care for them.
I have began making all of my ten month old son's foods and not only is this the best for his health, I have found I really enjoy it. I spent a couple hours this past Saturday in the kitchen making meals for him and not only ended up making over a month's worth of food to freeze but gaining a peace of mind as well. Cooking is therapy! I have decided to add in some favorite recipes throughout the week for not only babies but some for my family as well. I will also add in some sweets that are not organic and the most healthy but portion control is everything!!!! The meals I prepared this past weekend include butternut squash, butternut squash and cinammon apples, zuccini with banana, pumpkin, lentils and pumpkin, sweet potato and brown rice, spinach and carrots, and beets. Rocklyn's favorite has definitely been the butternut squash and apples followed by the zuccini with banana. He has no desire for the lentils and pumpkins, but lentils are so great for him, especially since we are not introducing meat into his diet and I hope to find a food to mix them with that will get him chowing down on them.
BUTTERNUT SQUASH AND APPLES: cut the squash in half, scoop out the seeds and guts, place facedown into a baking dish of one inch of water and bake at 375 degrees for 45 minutes. Core, peel and slice the apples into 1 inch pieces, place into a baking dish with 1 inch of water, sprinkle cinammon throughout and bake at 375 degrees for 30 minutes. Then take them both out, remove them from water, scrape the squash out of the peel and place both items into a food processor. Voila.
ZUCCINI WITH BANANA: Cut the zuccini into slices or chunks, steam until softened, chop up banana pieces, place all in blender. Easy enough.
I have been using breastmilk storage bags for storing the foods in the freezer and easy de-thawing but I welcome any suggestions on better storage!
A few books I highly recommend include First Meals and More by Annabel Karmel, Cooking Light First Foods by Cooking Light and Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfield, (yes, Jerry's wife!). I picked up the first two at the local library and purchased the third at Kohls for less than ten dollars! Deceptively Delicious is a great recipe book especially for those families who have not raised their kids on healthy foods from the start and need to "trick" them into eating better. These are DELICIOUS and she is coming out with a second book as I write this called Double Delicious! Good, Simple Food For Busy, Complicated Lives. I highly recommend checking these out for husbands and children who are having trouble changing their tastes for healthier meal options.
I hope these suggestions have helped and I am more than happy to welcome any recipes, baby food mixture suggestions, storage ideas and more!
God bless!